10 tips to manage Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) among moms with ADHD

Have you ever felt crushed by a simple comment or overwhelmed by an unexpected challenge? If you’re a mom with ADHD, you might be intimately familiar with the emotional storm that is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). RSD is a condition where one reacts intensely to both real and perceived rejection or criticism. It can lead to emotional turmoil, especially for moms juggling the endless responsibilities of parenting with the complexities of ADHD.

Rejection sensitivity in moms with ADHD doesn’t just mean feeling a bit down; it can morph into full-blown emotional episodes. This intense sensitivity can disrupt your day-to-day life, from how you handle parenting to your interactions with your spouse and even your work. The good news? You’re not alone, and there are ways to manage these overwhelming emotions.

In this post, we’ll dig into what RSD is, why it hits so hard, and how it uniquely affects moms with ADHD. Most importantly, we’ll explore practical strategies to cope with RSD, so you can reclaim control over your emotional well-being.

Personal Story

Living with ADHD as a mom comes with its unique set of challenges, and one aspect that often hits close to home is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Let me take you through a personal experience that sheds light on the emotional rollercoaster RSD can be. I remember one evening when I had gotten the laundry done, the kid fed and changed, our bed made and was relaxing. I had spend the whole evening clearing up the bedroom and bathroom. When my husband came home, he seemed preoccupied and barely acknowledged my efforts. He mentioned that he would ask the helper to change the bedsheets in the other room. I told him no need , I can change them, and he said it would never get done then.

His comment made me feel terrible. I immediately felt a wave of intense shame and hurt, convinced that he thought I was a failure as a wife and mother. My mind raced with thoughts like, “I can never do anything right” and “I am not able to keep up with house work.” I felt overwhelmed by the sense of rejection and perceived criticism, which overshadowed my initial excitement for a relaxed evening and effort.

The next day, I decided I won’t hang on the comment, rather I decided to have a full-blown productive day. I realised that my husband did have a point as I have forgotten or delayed tasks due to lack of motivation in the past. I did a thorough cleaning of the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom and finished off with a 30 minute YouTube workout feeling super proud of myself. Cognitive reframing came to the rescue to save me from my RSD making me feel bad for another day.

Understanding RSD

RSD goes beyond mere sensitivity to rejection; it’s a deep emotional response that can be overwhelming for individuals with ADHD. The symptoms vary from intense emotional reactions to perceived criticism, social rejection, or failure. In ADHD individuals, RSD stems from neurological differences that heighten emotional responses, making everyday interactions feel magnified.

Common Triggers

For moms juggling societal expectations and parenting responsibilities, common triggers like feeling criticized for not meeting expectations or experiencing social rejection can hit harder. The pressure to balance it all can amplify the impact of these triggers, leading to heightened emotional responses that can be challenging to navigate. See how many of the below examples can be applied to yourself.

1. Unsolicited Parenting Advice

Whether it’s from well-meaning family members or strangers in the grocery store, unsolicited parenting advice can feel like a direct attack to our capabilities as moms. In my case, the implication that I’m doing something wrong can send me spiraling into self-doubt and hurt.

2. Kids Preferring the Other Parent

It’s a common occurrence for kids to go through phases where they prefer one parent over the other. However, when my child expresses a preference for my partner or my mom, it can trigger intense feelings of rejection and inadequacy in me. I can’t help but take it personally, even though it’s a normal part of childhood development.

3. Criticism from Partners

Even the most well-intentioned criticism from partners can feel like a personal attack when RSD kicks in. Whether it’s a comment about organization skills or a suggestion to do something differently, we may interpret it as a rejection of who we are as individuals.

4. Missed Deadlines or Appointments

As someone with ADHD, missing deadlines or appointments is an unfortunate reality. But when it happens,we would naturally feel like a failure, regardless of the circumstances. The sense of letting others down or not meeting expectations can trigger intense feelings of rejection and self-loathing.

5. Social Situations

Social situations can be a minefield for those with RSD. From feeling left out of conversations to perceiving someone’s tone or body language as judgmental, our minds may quickly spiral into a whirlwind of rejection and self-doubt.

6. Negative Feedback

Whether it’s a performance review at work or a less-than-stellar comment on social media, negative feedback can be a major trigger for my RSD. I may interpret it as a personal rejection, even when it’s meant constructively. Many times before, I have written elaborate comments but deleted them without posting as I fear that my comment will be judged.

7. Feeling Misunderstood

This is something I suffered with for a long time from my parents, sibling and spouse. As someone with ADHD, I often feel misunderstood by those around me. When my thoughts or actions are misinterpreted, it can lead to feelings of rejection and isolation, as if no one truly understands me.

8. Struggles with Household Responsibilities

Keeping up with household responsibilities can be a constant battle for moms with ADHD. When we fall behind on chores or forget important tasks, the perceived judgment from partners or family members may also trigger intense feelings of rejection and inadequacy.

9. Conflicts with Friends or Family

Disagreements or conflicts with friends and family can be particularly triggering for RSD too. The fear of losing important relationships or being seen as a disappointment can amplify feelings of rejection and abandonment.

10. Comparisons to Other Moms

In the age of social media, it’s easy to compare ourselves to other moms who seem to have it all together. When we perceive others as being better parents or more put-together, it may trigger feelings of rejection and inadequacy, as if we are not measuring up.

Navigating Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria as a mom with ADHD can be a constant emotional rollercoaster. By understanding these common triggers, we can start to recognize patterns and develop coping strategies to manage the intense emotions that come with RSD.

Coping Strategies for RSD

Managing RSD requires a blend of cognitive-behavioral techniques, self-awareness practices, and emotional regulation strategies. Setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and reframing negative thoughts can help reduce the impact of triggers and empower moms to navigate their emotional landscape with more resilience.

1. Recognize and Validate Your Feelings

The first step in coping with RSD is to acknowledge and validate your feelings. When you feel that pang of rejection, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your emotions are valid and understandable. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way; instead, practice self-compassion and acceptance.

2. Cognitive Restructuring

After learning to identify and challenge irrational thoughts, you can replace them with more balanced and constructive ones. This means understanding evidence for and against your negative thoughts and considering alternative, more positive perspectives. By consistently practicing cognitive restructuring, you can reduce the emotional intensity of your reactions and develop a more realistic and compassionate self-view.

3. Communicate Openly with Your Partner

Open communication with your partner is so important. Explain to them what RSD is and how it affects you. Share specific examples of situations that trigger your RSD, and discuss ways they can support you during those moments. Remember, your partner may not fully understand RSD, so be patient and educate them.

4. Practice Mindfulness and Grounding Techniques

When you feel the emotional storm of RSD brewing, practice mindfulness and grounding techniques. Breathe deeply, engage your senses by noticing the sights, sounds, and smells around you, or repeat a calming mantra. These techniques can help you stay present and prevent spiraling into negative thought patterns.

5. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends, family members, or other moms who understand what you’re going through. Having a safe space to share your experiences and receive validation can be incredibly empowering. Don’t forget to join the Focused Mommy Facebook Group to be supported on overcoming RSD with like-minded ADHD mamas.

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6. Practice Self-Care

Taking care of yourself is essential when dealing with RSD. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and a sense of accomplishment. Whether it’s exercise, reading, or simply taking a long bath, prioritize self-care to replenish your emotional reserves. Read on for 25 5-minute selfcare ideas.

7. Celebrate Small Wins

RSD can make it easy to focus on perceived failures or rejections, but it’s important to celebrate small wins and successes. Did you handle a challenging situation with grace? Did you practice a new coping strategy? Acknowledge and celebrate these victories, no matter how small they may seem.

8. Seek Out Positive Role Models

Surround yourself with positive role models who exemplify resilience, self-acceptance, and healthy coping mechanisms. These individuals can serve as inspiration and remind you that it’s possible to manage RSD and lead a fulfilling life.

9. Be Kind to Yourself

Dealing with RSD can be exhausting, and it’s essential to be kind to yourself throughout the journey. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can, and that progress takes time. Forgive yourself for setbacks, and approach each day with renewed determination and self-compassion.

10. Educate Your Children

As a mom with ADHD and RSD, it’s essential to educate your children about your condition in an age-appropriate manner. Explain that sometimes you may react strongly to situations, but reassure them that it’s not their fault and that you’re working on managing your emotions.

Final Thoughts…

Managing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) as a mom with ADHD is a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and persistence. This condition can make daily interactions and responsibilities feel overwhelming, but understanding its impact is the first step toward better management. Small steps make a big difference in managing RSD effectively.